I know its been a while since i have last wrote you guys. And for that, I am really sorry. I have been busy trying to process everything God has been saying to me in my prayers and experiences here at YWAM. I find myself a little scared/excited as for what GOD has in store for me, my life, and what He wants me to fulfill. Within these past few months, GOD has really been putting me through a season of absolute humility so I can see exactly what He's trying to teach me. As many of you already know from my emails, I have been going through a time of rapid transformation with God. I feel that the Lord is putting me through so many rapid changes into who he created me to be. And speaking of creation, I find it so mind blowing that we are God's creation. I say this because God made the human body. The human body sheds skin cells every second because God created us that way. And you're probably wondering where I'm going with this. Well, I'm saying this to you because it was revealed to me that God made us this way so that we can continue to "shed" our old selves every second and we can be renewed with the Holy Spirit that lives inside of us. So we can continue to "die" to ourselves, and be renewed by his glory! God is so good! God has been so breathtaking while I have spent my time here. I KNOW he has great plans for me. I'm just scared of just completely letting go. He has shown me such a bittersweet love! I know its only because He loves me so much. I thought I was supposed to have gone on an outreach with my "AWAKEN" class to Amsterdam, but my leaders felt I was not "spiritually" ready. Many would have just plain gone home after hearing such bad news, but the night I heard the bad news I immediately went to the prayer room and took up my disagreement with the Lord. The Lord told me to just display MORE humbleness. He told me to TRUST in the people who He gave authority to and reminded me to just simply trust in Him. And a friend of mine whom I told my situation to, gave me some very wise words. He said "are you ALLOWING your leaders to lead you, or are you allowing God to lead you". With me being surrounded with such awesome people of Christ and being with Christ myself, I just knew I had to obey no matter what I felt. After all, its not about me. Its about HIM. It always was and always will be. We just have to remind ourselves that every time we feel injustice, anger, bitterness, or any other emotion. The only emotion we need to have is LOVE. God says in JOHN 15:12 & 17, that HE COMMANDS us to love each other. God commands us TWICE. He wants to make it clear. God gave me this big heart to Love anyone and everyone no matter what the situation. With all this revelation, the very next day I shocked both of my outreach leaders by approaching them and told them that I had no animosity towards them whatsoever. That God had told me to trust in Him. They said that they have never seen anyone so at peace after such a decision was made. I also had told them that if God had appointed them to be leaders, that i needed to trust in God and submit to their authority. Then, I told them that if they felt that I wasn't ready for outreach at that point, that I would continue to seek the Lord's grace, glory, and decide to "Mission Build", which is volunteering for YWAM to help the campus run. They told me that they have never seen any student, live in such humility and that they were so excited for what God's plans were for me. So I have spent this past month running with Jesus with all my heart and soul. I even took up reading Christian books! I used to hate reading until I was forced to read books for my class. Now my heart grows ever more for hunger for his words. I feel God sent me to "AWAKEN" DTS to completey AWAKE my soul. To awake me to his glory and kingdom. It was by God's grace that as I was mission building in the auto shop here on campus, that I ran into a man named Johnny Gillespie. He was fixing his car and needed some help fixing it. He needed some major work done and we spent a great deal of time together working on the car. We shared each others testimonies. And by the end of the day he revealed to me that he was one of the three head leaders who over saw all of the DTS's. After hearing my testimony and hearing how God has transformed my life, he offered to let me join his DTS called "Community Transformation". And at the moment, I felt total revelation. I felt that God used me to attend AWAKEN DTS to awaken me into his kingdom, but called me to Community Transformation. I say this because Community Transformation prides itself on going out and doing exactly what its name says. Transforming communities. As i joined this DTS I was asked to pray for an outreach location, God told me so incredibly clearly that he wanted me to go to JAPAN! As many of you know, that I WAS not very fond of Japan. But the good lord made it a point to throw at me some such loving japanese people here at YWAM. It seemed no matter where i went to try to avoid them, they would always be there. I knew it was the lord telling me KNOW him. So I completely saw what God was doing. No matter how hard I tried to hate, avoid, or even not to acknowledge them, God was just putting them in my face to just simply love on them. No matter how hard i tried, all they did to me was just simply show me love unconditionally . I finally gave in and spoke absolute truth in what God was orchestrating. God is just so freaking amazing on what he shows us. I saw first hand that nothing is ever coincidence. Every action happens by God's will. I am now COMPLETELY healed of any and all anger and bitterness of the Japanese. God's presence is so thick here, you can almost taste his sweetness. I am so crippled by his glory. I want nothing more in this world but to have everyone just experience just 1 ounce of what is here and what us christians can accomplish by just living radically in all his glory!!!!! I absolutely understand why pastor Jamie and pastor Neil cry when they preach the gospel. I didnt understand before because I never felt God's love the way I have felt it here. I feel God purposely put me in awaken to awaken me and placed me in Community Transformation because he wanted me to get rid of that very last bit of bitterness. I feel that his whole plan was to take my biggest bitterness I held in my heart and turn it inside out. It was as if he was telling me, that he sent me some japanese people in my time here to recieve healing by uncondtional love from them and now he wants me to go to Japan and spread that love and glory to those who never even heard of Christ. I felt as if God was telling me that now that I uprooted that area of prejudice, he now wants me to spread the glory to the place I least want to go at the time. Which is of course Japan. I feel nervous but just want to completely obey him. I have found that there is so much fruit if we just simply obey and submit to our lord. I am writting this blog as part of my fundraising letter. For those who are wondering what happened to the funds that were for my previous outreach, I returned some of the money to the donors, and a lot of it went to other people who were in need of the same support. I was just obeying God. I had spent many nights in the prayer room trying to decide what to do and I felt the lord telling me to give a lot of it away. And so I did. The lord is walking me through all areas of unbelief. Especially finance. If you would like to continue supporting me you can make online payments or send payments in as well. I will continue with this newly blog as much as I can. Finances permitting and a laptop availability since i don't have one. Again I thank you so much for your support financially and prayers as well. Being here is such an awesome gift from God. Words can never express how I appreciative I am. I love yu all even more deeply than before because I now am able to through Christ Jesus. The first half of my outreach fees are due by Thursday October 27, 2011.The first half I need to raise is about $3,000. While this is no easy amount, I believe the lord will provide. And if he doesn't, it's still is a blessing. As long as we see and speak blessing in those times. I have attached the information on how to donate as well as a video blogg. I hope you enjoy my testimony and the beautiful place you guys have sent me. I truly love you all. And with this enormous blog, I want to leave you guys with PSALMS 103(please read)
Monday, October 24, 2011
RUIN ME FOR WHAT I AM. AND REBUILD ME FOR WHAT IM WORTH
I know its been a while since i have last wrote you guys. And for that, I am really sorry. I have been busy trying to process everything God has been saying to me in my prayers and experiences here at YWAM. I find myself a little scared/excited as for what GOD has in store for me, my life, and what He wants me to fulfill. Within these past few months, GOD has really been putting me through a season of absolute humility so I can see exactly what He's trying to teach me. As many of you already know from my emails, I have been going through a time of rapid transformation with God. I feel that the Lord is putting me through so many rapid changes into who he created me to be. And speaking of creation, I find it so mind blowing that we are God's creation. I say this because God made the human body. The human body sheds skin cells every second because God created us that way. And you're probably wondering where I'm going with this. Well, I'm saying this to you because it was revealed to me that God made us this way so that we can continue to "shed" our old selves every second and we can be renewed with the Holy Spirit that lives inside of us. So we can continue to "die" to ourselves, and be renewed by his glory! God is so good! God has been so breathtaking while I have spent my time here. I KNOW he has great plans for me. I'm just scared of just completely letting go. He has shown me such a bittersweet love! I know its only because He loves me so much. I thought I was supposed to have gone on an outreach with my "AWAKEN" class to Amsterdam, but my leaders felt I was not "spiritually" ready. Many would have just plain gone home after hearing such bad news, but the night I heard the bad news I immediately went to the prayer room and took up my disagreement with the Lord. The Lord told me to just display MORE humbleness. He told me to TRUST in the people who He gave authority to and reminded me to just simply trust in Him. And a friend of mine whom I told my situation to, gave me some very wise words. He said "are you ALLOWING your leaders to lead you, or are you allowing God to lead you". With me being surrounded with such awesome people of Christ and being with Christ myself, I just knew I had to obey no matter what I felt. After all, its not about me. Its about HIM. It always was and always will be. We just have to remind ourselves that every time we feel injustice, anger, bitterness, or any other emotion. The only emotion we need to have is LOVE. God says in JOHN 15:12 & 17, that HE COMMANDS us to love each other. God commands us TWICE. He wants to make it clear. God gave me this big heart to Love anyone and everyone no matter what the situation. With all this revelation, the very next day I shocked both of my outreach leaders by approaching them and told them that I had no animosity towards them whatsoever. That God had told me to trust in Him. They said that they have never seen anyone so at peace after such a decision was made. I also had told them that if God had appointed them to be leaders, that i needed to trust in God and submit to their authority. Then, I told them that if they felt that I wasn't ready for outreach at that point, that I would continue to seek the Lord's grace, glory, and decide to "Mission Build", which is volunteering for YWAM to help the campus run. They told me that they have never seen any student, live in such humility and that they were so excited for what God's plans were for me. So I have spent this past month running with Jesus with all my heart and soul. I even took up reading Christian books! I used to hate reading until I was forced to read books for my class. Now my heart grows ever more for hunger for his words. I feel God sent me to "AWAKEN" DTS to completey AWAKE my soul. To awake me to his glory and kingdom. It was by God's grace that as I was mission building in the auto shop here on campus, that I ran into a man named Johnny Gillespie. He was fixing his car and needed some help fixing it. He needed some major work done and we spent a great deal of time together working on the car. We shared each others testimonies. And by the end of the day he revealed to me that he was one of the three head leaders who over saw all of the DTS's. After hearing my testimony and hearing how God has transformed my life, he offered to let me join his DTS called "Community Transformation". And at the moment, I felt total revelation. I felt that God used me to attend AWAKEN DTS to awaken me into his kingdom, but called me to Community Transformation. I say this because Community Transformation prides itself on going out and doing exactly what its name says. Transforming communities. As i joined this DTS I was asked to pray for an outreach location, God told me so incredibly clearly that he wanted me to go to JAPAN! As many of you know, that I WAS not very fond of Japan. But the good lord made it a point to throw at me some such loving japanese people here at YWAM. It seemed no matter where i went to try to avoid them, they would always be there. I knew it was the lord telling me KNOW him. So I completely saw what God was doing. No matter how hard I tried to hate, avoid, or even not to acknowledge them, God was just putting them in my face to just simply love on them. No matter how hard i tried, all they did to me was just simply show me love unconditionally . I finally gave in and spoke absolute truth in what God was orchestrating. God is just so freaking amazing on what he shows us. I saw first hand that nothing is ever coincidence. Every action happens by God's will. I am now COMPLETELY healed of any and all anger and bitterness of the Japanese. God's presence is so thick here, you can almost taste his sweetness. I am so crippled by his glory. I want nothing more in this world but to have everyone just experience just 1 ounce of what is here and what us christians can accomplish by just living radically in all his glory!!!!! I absolutely understand why pastor Jamie and pastor Neil cry when they preach the gospel. I didnt understand before because I never felt God's love the way I have felt it here. I feel God purposely put me in awaken to awaken me and placed me in Community Transformation because he wanted me to get rid of that very last bit of bitterness. I feel that his whole plan was to take my biggest bitterness I held in my heart and turn it inside out. It was as if he was telling me, that he sent me some japanese people in my time here to recieve healing by uncondtional love from them and now he wants me to go to Japan and spread that love and glory to those who never even heard of Christ. I felt as if God was telling me that now that I uprooted that area of prejudice, he now wants me to spread the glory to the place I least want to go at the time. Which is of course Japan. I feel nervous but just want to completely obey him. I have found that there is so much fruit if we just simply obey and submit to our lord. I am writting this blog as part of my fundraising letter. For those who are wondering what happened to the funds that were for my previous outreach, I returned some of the money to the donors, and a lot of it went to other people who were in need of the same support. I was just obeying God. I had spent many nights in the prayer room trying to decide what to do and I felt the lord telling me to give a lot of it away. And so I did. The lord is walking me through all areas of unbelief. Especially finance. If you would like to continue supporting me you can make online payments or send payments in as well. I will continue with this newly blog as much as I can. Finances permitting and a laptop availability since i don't have one. Again I thank you so much for your support financially and prayers as well. Being here is such an awesome gift from God. Words can never express how I appreciative I am. I love yu all even more deeply than before because I now am able to through Christ Jesus. The first half of my outreach fees are due by Thursday October 27, 2011.The first half I need to raise is about $3,000. While this is no easy amount, I believe the lord will provide. And if he doesn't, it's still is a blessing. As long as we see and speak blessing in those times. I have attached the information on how to donate as well as a video blogg. I hope you enjoy my testimony and the beautiful place you guys have sent me. I truly love you all. And with this enormous blog, I want to leave you guys with PSALMS 103(please read)
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